I’ve had a lot to reflect over the past several months. I've suffered a devastating illness, which has caused me to lose an alarming amount of weight. I watched my marriage fall apart, taking my life in an unexpected direction. I lost a good friend to cancer. I’ll be spending New Year’s Eve alone.
I’ve learned that what we see is often not what we get. Life has an endless supply of curve balls, some of them faster and more disorienting than others. My head is still spinning over other recent events in my own life, and I find myself struggling to make sense of it all. The last several months have felt like a series of dizzying events rushing over in waves like dominoes, jarring slices of life that should only have been allowed to exist in the Twilight Zone.
But nearly everyone I know seems to be suffering from some kind of darkness, many just as bizarre and unexpected as mine. Injustice, betrayal, and death seem to have permeated the world. The news has become the journal of an Orwellian dystopia. Although the writer in me sees the seeds for stories everywhere in our current political climate, I’ve found myself largely unable to write about it—it’s all too depressing, too surreal, too disturbing.
I’ve learned that what we see is often not what we get. Life has an endless supply of curve balls, some of them faster and more disorienting than others. My head is still spinning over other recent events in my own life, and I find myself struggling to make sense of it all. The last several months have felt like a series of dizzying events rushing over in waves like dominoes, jarring slices of life that should only have been allowed to exist in the Twilight Zone.
But nearly everyone I know seems to be suffering from some kind of darkness, many just as bizarre and unexpected as mine. Injustice, betrayal, and death seem to have permeated the world. The news has become the journal of an Orwellian dystopia. Although the writer in me sees the seeds for stories everywhere in our current political climate, I’ve found myself largely unable to write about it—it’s all too depressing, too surreal, too disturbing.
Last year, I told 2016 where it could shove itself, confident that 2017 was going to be infinitely better. I’m not going to tempt the Fates with another such prediction. I will say my heart is with everyone else who found 2017 particularly difficult. As far as my life goes, I’ve chosen to view all I’ve endured as an opportunity for personal growth, as hard as it’s been. I’ve forgiven those who’ve wronged me, and I’m doing my best to keep the past in the past. I don’t always succeed. I could be a bitter person right now—I’ve been given ample cause—but I’m doing my best not to let recent misfortunes and heartaches harden my heart.
Instead, I extend it to everyone out there who’s suffered a recent loss, been betrayed, fallen into poverty, endured injustice, had to start over, or tumbled into some other, similar hell. I extend it to everyone who will be spending New Year’s Eve alone this year. Moreover, I extend it to all those who will spend the end of this year feeling alone.
Instead, I extend it to everyone out there who’s suffered a recent loss, been betrayed, fallen into poverty, endured injustice, had to start over, or tumbled into some other, similar hell. I extend it to everyone who will be spending New Year’s Eve alone this year. Moreover, I extend it to all those who will spend the end of this year feeling alone.
I’ve spent so many years so fervent in my beliefs about social justice, thinking I might make a difference by writing my books or speaking out every once in a while on social media. With so much energy put in one direction, it’s difficult not to burn out completely. I haven’t given up, but I am tired. I want to rekindle that passion, and maybe that should be my resolution: to find the fire that once drove me and discover a way to recapture it.
I’ll be watching SyFy’s Twilight Zone marathon this New Year’s Day; seems fitting. I invite you to join me in spirit, ringing in 2018 with reflection, gratitude, and the satisfaction of some cosmic justice, even if it is just on the TV screen. May you leave 2017 wiser, stronger, and ready to begin anew. May you find happiness, even if it also comes with moments of despair. May you veer back to your path if you’ve strayed. Most importantly, may you find whatever it is you truly seek, and claim it.
I’ll be watching SyFy’s Twilight Zone marathon this New Year’s Day; seems fitting. I invite you to join me in spirit, ringing in 2018 with reflection, gratitude, and the satisfaction of some cosmic justice, even if it is just on the TV screen. May you leave 2017 wiser, stronger, and ready to begin anew. May you find happiness, even if it also comes with moments of despair. May you veer back to your path if you’ve strayed. Most importantly, may you find whatever it is you truly seek, and claim it.
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