The Cerebral  Writer
  • About
  • Books
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Links

Life on Pause

9/7/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
I’ve neglected this blog in recent months. Whereas I used to average new, original content regularly, I now have a long string of guest posts and little more. I’ve been meaning to reach out, but I’ve also been hesitant. It’s hard to explain how the loss of one cat has had such a profound effect on so many aspects of my life. She and I had a special bond. I had bottle fed her after finding she’d come home not yet weaned. We’d survived Jeff together, leaned on one another through the abuse and beyond, both coming out stronger for it. She had an expressive face and a unique sense of humor. She was an important part of my life for seventeen years.

You don’t expect the grieving process to begin while your dying loved one is still very much alive, but it begins as soon as you learn the condition is terminal. Caring for Kadie took a lot out of me. Life went on hold. I simply lost the energy to do more than keep my home marginally clean and keep Kadie, hubby, and myself fed—and that lasted for months. I took care of her, at her whim nearly every moment until the end. She was a sweet, funny, empathetic, and obedient companion; she deserved only the very best of hospice care.

When she died, something inside me became just a little duller. Emptier. I lost my fire. I could barely eat for a good month. The 18th will mark two months since her death, and I still can’t even think about moving the scratching posts without fighting tears. Home feels so empty while hubby is away at work. Sometimes I think I see her in the corner of my eye, or I could swear I just heard her meow. It’s not as bad as it was at first, but it still throws me.

Not long after Kadie’s ashes came home, hubby and I decided that a change of scenery would refuel us both, so we packed our bags and took off. We didn’t want to burden anyone with Hue, our leopard gecko, so we put her in a travel tank and brought her along for the ride (and, I must say, she took the trip with the utmost of grace). We drove up the California coast, stopping to swim at beaches and get together with friends and family. I took tons of pictures, getting a few nice shots to remember the drive by. Our final destination was a small town in southern Oregon, where my sister was slated to perform in a local production of Cats, a fitting play to attend given the circumstances. Hubby and I were there for opening night. It was a blast. We stayed with my amazing niece for a few days before heading back.

The vacation proved to be a wonderful break from the grief, but a break was all it was. I came home to an urn on a shelf. I have toy mice and catnip pillows packed away in a box I can’t bring myself to part with. A handful of people have insisted I get a kitten to fill the void, and it really only makes me feel guilty that I do not want another cat. I've zero desire at this time to open my home and my heart to another pet. That approach might work for some, but it is not the right one for me. S/he could never live up to Kitty (who died three years ago) and Kadie--no one could right now—and that would affect how I behaved around him or her. It would just be unfair to any animal.

So, here I am, struggling to write. A friend suggested I try some free-writing to get the words flowing. I think this is as close as I’m going to get. Anyway, I want to thank those of you who have taken the time to read my blog over the years. I’m still searching for that spark, something to reignite my connection to the written word, but I’m hoping to have more of my own posts to share with you in the coming months. Thanks so much for your patience and understanding. And, as always, thank you for your readership and support.
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    RSS Feed

    Picture

    Privacy Policy:

    No names or e-mail addresses listed in blog post replies will result in mailing list additions or sharing/sales to other sites via the Cerebral Writer.

    All email addresses, unless added intentionally to the body text of a post or response, will remain hidden from public view.

    Check out the Wiki.Evid's Top 10 Paranormal Mysteries.

    Archives

    November 2018
    October 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    December 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011
    January 2011
    December 2010
    November 2010
    October 2010
    September 2010
    August 2010
    July 2010
    June 2010
    May 2010
    March 2010
    February 2010
    January 2010
    December 2009
    November 2009
    October 2009
    September 2009
    August 2009
    July 2009
    June 2009
    May 2009
    April 2009
    March 2009
    February 2009
    January 2009
    December 2008
    November 2008
    October 2008
    September 2008
    August 2008
    July 2008
    June 2008
    May 2008
    April 2008
    March 2008


    Categories

    All
    Aftermath
    Animals
    Anthologies
    Awards
    Bestseller List
    Bizarro
    Blogging
    Classics
    Contests
    Critical Analysis
    Dystopia
    Edgar Allan Poe
    Editors
    Excerpts
    Film
    Finding Poe
    Flash Fiction
    God
    Grammar
    Guest Blogs
    Horror
    Humanitarians
    Interviews
    Jane The Hippie Vampire
    Language
    Leigh M. Lane
    Literary Fiction
    Lupus
    Marketing
    Movies
    Muses
    Musicians
    My Books
    Myths Of Gods
    My Writing
    My Writing
    Nook
    Novellas
    On Writing
    On Writing
    Opinion
    Other Great Authors
    Paying It Forward
    Pirates
    Poetry
    Racism
    Redrafting
    Revelations
    Reviews
    Rod Serling
    Screenplays
    Self Publishing
    Short Stories
    Speculative Fiction
    Television
    The Hidden Valley
    The Private Sector
    The Twilight Zone
    This Site
    Trailers
    Urban Fantasy
    Vampires
    Weird Western
    Words
    World Mart
    Zombies

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.