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Valentine's Day: A Bittersweet Confession

2/13/2012

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Back when I was young and naïve, I believed in love at first sight.  I was convinced I had experienced the phenomenon when, at the tender age of eighteen, I met the man whom I truly believed was to be the love of my life.  Our connection was immediate, although I can’t really say “love” was an actual part of it.  We lost touch before we had the chance to date and it would be a number of years before we reconnected, but when we did, we decided very quickly that we were in love.  I moved in with him.  Within a few months, starting on my birthday of all days, he began to abuse me—physically and emotionally—on a regular basis.

After nearly five years of abuse, I finally left him.  With a cracked skull, split lips, and bruises on literally every inch of my body, I was left jaded, broken, and untrusting of all men.  Each year when Valentine’s Day would come around, I would have nothing nice to say to all those lovebirds out there who felt the need to celebrate it.  I thought romantic love was a delusion … and that Valentine’s Day was nothing but commercial exploit of that delusion.

When I met my husband, it wasn’t love at first sight.  Yes, we were attracted to one another, but I had no intention of dating him.  I didn’t want another relationship—ever.  I was too afraid that he too might turn into a monster once I opened my heart to him.  Still, I thought it would be okay for us to be friends, as we genuinely enjoyed one another’s company.  I didn’t mean to fall in love with him.  It just happened.  By the time I finally expressed my feelings for him, he just smiled and replied very matter-of-factly, “I’m glad one of us finally said it.”

When the next Valentine’s Day came around, as taken as I was by having someone to love this time, I found that the holiday still held no meaning for me.  Why?  Because when one has found love—real love—every day is Valentine’s Day.  I found that I didn’t want jewelry or chocolates or flowers to mark the occasion.  What I had every day was so much more meaningful.

I still feel that way.  Not a day goes by in which I don’t thank whatever fates brought my husband and me together.  What I have—companionship, partnership, someone who understands me like no one else and treats me like gold—is the best gift I could ever have asked for.  We don’t need a holiday to celebrate that.  We celebrate it every day.

Just the same, for all you lovebirds out there out buying jewelry, chocolates, and flowers: Happy Valentine’s Day.  May your love be true and your happiness year-round.


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